thinking thanking thunk.
was talking to nessa bout him..
i can only sigh.
i'm thinking of him 24/7.
it's depressing.
i need something else to think about.
i need someone else to pollute my mind with LOL
haha but who, what and where. lol.
i think bout alot of stuff.
things like, what would life be now if i hadn't met him..
would i still insist on going if i've never met him..
what would my motive for going there be if he hadn't chose to appear in my life..
who would i be visiting there..
what am i going to do all alone over there, without him..
it seems like whatever i do all revolves around him.
haha. i feel that i'm living for him..
if he's gone, i think my whole world will just come crashing down..
or if he starts ignoring me.. like what he's doing now. ;/
being a girl is not all that fun, battling with this kinda feelings.
while guys, do guys feeel this way for a certain girl?
do they? idk.. lol
SIGH..
i guess i've been thinking too much the past few days.
but i can't help it..
he creeeps into my mind when i'm not watching..
and i can't kick him out then..
man i feel dizzy all of a sudden.
haha..
sighs..
why why why why does he have such a huge impact[?] on my life.
i hate it..
i'm thinking, can i live without him?
LOL peeps, you may think i'm nuts. but yeahs. i think i can't.
idk.. i really don't know..
listen to my song.
how do i live without you.. i want to know..
yes. i wanna know. how do i live without him.
i'm dreading the day he disappears for good.
he had disappeared for a month, no.
scratch that, make that 42days to be exact.
and for that 42days, i was sad, freakin sad. and hella worried bout him too.
if he's okey and stuff..
so i think if there's a next time where he disappears, for good, i'll just die.
nessa keeps scolding me cuz of him. haha.
but idk and i cannot larh!!
take care of your brazee first. muahas(x
seriously, those of you who know, don't you think i'm dumb?
i mean.. how can i fall for someone like him..
and under these kinda.... situations/environment/thingy.
but i did, and i've fallen so deep. haha.
i guess the only way to rid off all this shit feelings is to go there.
yup.
SEE!?!
do you all get it why i've to go there!?!
to settle this shit once and for all..
haha, "shit".. yeah right.
he's occupying my whole mind everyday.
i can't stop thinking of him.
sigh..
i tell nessa to stop thinking of brazee, but i myself can't stop thinking bout him.
i wanna forget about him.
i wanna throw away all my feelings for him.
i wanna take him out of my life.
he's tormenting me. so much..
there are times when i can't take it anymore, i let the tears flow..
tears of exhaustion, tears of loving him so badly, tears of anger and confusion..
tears of misery.
i'm like so freaking tired passing each day without fail of missing him, thinking bout him, worrying bout him.
i feel so dumb, i don't know what i am to him.
and here i am tormenting myself.
i've tried.. i know what you all will say.
asking me to leave that place and yada yada.
but you know i won't.. i can't..
haha man i sound so... shitty-fied right now.
but i'm actually alright(:
it's just that that lil talk bout him with nessa just now made me think bout everything.
from the time we met, all the things that happened.
though it's not been very long since we've known each other, but lotsa things have happened between us.
happy times, sad times, everything.
FUCK.
anyways, something happened between them again.
i gotta stop here.
i'll continue tmr.